Wow. I just realized some people can be so different from others. Some can be extremely immature yet amusing and fun…while others can be mature and so easy to talk to and you pour your hearts out to them with no fear…

Why can’t there be a person who has all those qualities in themselves? Is it possible? I find it hard to believe. Very hard.

Jesus I get so upset sometimes. As to, why can’t people just be the way I wish they were. I realize it’s selfish of me. Very selfish. I can’t make people be what they aren’t. I can’t make them be my idea of perfection. They are who they are.

I just hate myself when I think these things. I feel so horrible. I mean, I wish *this* person would stop being to foolish and realize the things around him/her. I wish *this* person would stop being so dense and consider how people feel. I wish *this* person would stop taking things so personally. I wish *this* person would stop complaining. I wish *this* person would stop pushing people away. I wish *this* person would stop trying to be such a fucking attention freak. I wish *this* person would stop being so vulnerable. I wish *this* person would realize that they piss people off. I wish *these* people would stop being such pricks. I wish *this* person would ask me why I’m upset.

Some people named as “*this*” might have been repeated in the above paragraph.

Do you see my point? Why do I sometimes HATE these people so much? They don’t try to be how they are…they are just made like that. I hate myself for saying these things. Whoever must be reading this must think I’m an extreme bitch right now. True, I can be a bitch, but I myself do not try to be this way. I just need to let feelings out. To express my anger. Perhaps I am just mad at a certain something, and I am just taking it out on people. Very wrong thing to do. I don’t know what I am so unhappy about.

I always want something I don’t have. Always.

You upset me so much sometimes. I can’t help but hate it. I suppose I care about you, yet I still feel pain. I suppose I don’t love you then, if I don’t truly embrace all of you, including your faults. Do I even love anyone then? I guess I don’t. But then again, I’m probably just bullshiting about this, and tomorrow I’ll feel fabuluos again. But will you give a flaming fuck? I don’t know. I cannot read minds. I don’t think I should post this, yet I am anyway. I’ll probably make it private soon.

Don’t fucking worry about me if you read this. I have nothing against you. Don’t tell me you worry, even though I truly secretly want you to care.

~Eleia.