God I just wish someone would tell me what and how I truly am sometimes. Ugh. Thats not possible, is it? Everything lies in…the points of veiws people have, eh? Well. There are only about three – five people who hold opinions that I honestly take into consideration. *sigh* oh goddd. Sometimes I feel like I could do so much better, that I can be so much better. I just want to improve myself,  I don’t want to make mistakes god, I really don’t want to make mistakes. But do I have such control? I don’t know–sometimes I slip, we all slip.

I really wish I could be around the age of 20 or higher sometimes. Everything would seem so much easier…in certain ways which happen to matter to me. I wouldn’t have to…depend on people. I could be on my own and know that it’d be alright. I would have a choice. I’d have the right to have a choice. I wouldn’t be so nagging, so naive. Man I just want to know the feeling of going to the godamn store and buying food for myself to keep myself ALIVE. I want to do something for myself! I want to feel as if I have control over something. Over my feelings, over my life.

Everything is so planned out at this age. You pass the test, you get a better oportunity. Jesus I hate somewhat complaining about it, I shouldn’t, it’s the way it is–it’s the way it could only work. But…that doesn’t stop me from wondering…what if.

Where the hell am I gonna be 10 years from now? Am I gonna be in the position I want now? With the person I want to be with forever? Will I end up being a mistake? Will I be a mistake?

Gah I love you. >_< Later l0vers. ❤

[edit 1015pm] Heh…my god. People really do surprise me everyday. Whoa, I love this feeling. ^_^